I slept in on Tuesday. I woke up just in time for my 9:30 class. I pulled on a pair of shorts, grabbed my keys, wallet, cell phone and backpack, and rushed out the door. “Ha!” I thought, halfway to the math and physics building, “I may just get there before we start.” (Classes never start on time in the South.) Then I realized I was still wearing my pajama shirt.
Aside from possibly becoming the first person in pajama shirt to attend an introductory physics lecture at my university, I’m not sure I learned anything from the ordeal–not even physics. In fact, I think I did the same thing in Calc I last year. I obviously learned nothing from that experience either. I had four alarms set on my cell phone this last time, turned them all off and rolled back into bed, “just for a minute.”
What I need is a surefire way to wake myself up in the morning while not reducing my quality of sleep or waking up my flatmates. These stipulations eliminate
- cold marbles. I’d need either a Rube Goldberg machine or a flat mate with a sadistic sense of humor although I may have the latter.
- open blinds and sunlight. I have a street-light outside my window. I can’t sleep without blinds and curtains combined.
- outrageously loud alarm clocks. I’m not sure flat mate number two shares flatmate number one’s glee in finding innovative ways to wake me up.
My physics lab takes place at one in the afternoon. The department head, who leads it, offered to help engineer a Rube Goldberg machine for anyone who had trouble waking up by that hour. He also suggested a range of clocks worthy of a sadistic mastermind, including a vibrating clock, a roomba-like clock, and a clock that launches the pin that shuts it up across the room. Alas, I cannot justify paying the price for these machines. Nor am I sure that the clocks fulfill my need. The projectile clock does not seem to have a volume control but, I’m fairly certain I could pacify it with the pointy end of a pen. Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure the DH is a sadistic mastermind. He has a good evil laugh.
Now, the ultimate way of waking up on time would be to go to bed by midnight. But we all know that’s not always going to happen. As I work on improving my sleep schedule, I’ve posted a red sign above my bed, commanding
I can’t read in my sleep, but the problem has always been staying up.
I turned off my alarm again this morning and went back to bed, heedless of the scarlet letters filling my weary eyes…But I woke with my second alarm.